Thursday, September 17, 2009

Dan Brown Transgenders Us All

So according to a person who has read Dan Brown's new book (if I were him, AND I AM NOT, I would really just keep rewriting The Da Vinci Code [Tom Hanks investigates Mona Lisa's cross tattoo on her left boob or something], but apparently he has come out with an incredibly successful new thing), he just straight-up invents the term "transgendering" in the following passage:
The act of tattooing one’s skin was a transformative declaration of power, an announcement to the world: I am in control of my own flesh. The intoxicating feeling of control derived from physical transformation had addicted millions to flesh-altering practices …. . . cosmetic surgery, body piercing, bodybuilding, and steroids . . . even bulimia and transgendering. [Quoted by The Sexist]
I have to admit that I, like everyone else, find the idea that being transgender, a legitimate identity, is akin to having the disease of bulimia or an addiction to cosmetic surgery. So I have to wonder: Is this what it feels like to be a conservative Christian/art appreciator? Just angry as hell at Dan Brown all the dang old time? Because I don't really have the time for those feelings, you know? I have so many other things that need my anger.
But I must admit to being intrigued by Brown's theory that changing one's sex to better fit one's gender is addictive -- does he think people go back and forth with the same single-minded repetition as a bodybuilder? Because that idea is totally awesome. And actually, more relatable for me as a newly-made Conservative Christian Full of Rage at Dan Brown. As soon as I allow my feelings of anger to overtake me (clogging CafePress's servers with my orders for more "Angels & Demons & Shitty Novels" t-shirts), I must rush back to my former state of complete apathy toward the guy (this does not involve t-shirts). I am as flighty as Brown's imagined transgenderers. Why can't I just decide whether or not I want a penis permanently? (Here, the penis is a metaphor for my hammer.) (No but seriously it's a metaphor for anti-Dan Brown t-shirts)
And I don't think I'm alone in these feelings. Meaning Dan Brown has transgendered us, every one.

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